These Are My Confessions

Inspiration has once again been absent from my life, so I am thankful for Mama Kat and her Writers Workshop prompts.  Seriously, go check her out if you ever feel the well running dry.

I decided to run with the first prompt that came up, come hell or high water and wouldn't your know it, it's all about confessing.  So here goes nothing.

Confession #1 - I truly hate that I can't keep my feelings bottled up.  In a healthier way.  I get mad, I spout off, then I regret (most) of it and I wish I could take it back.  But it's out there on Facebook, here on the blog or on a board I belong too.  And now matter how many times I click delete; it's already been read by others.

Confession #2 - My family makes me sad.  I reached out to some of them, the ones I really needed after this last bout with J and they chose my ex-husband instead.  And that hurts.  But I'm just to deal with it and suck it up because they 'like' his company and 'like' him since he hasn't done anything to them personally.  

Confession #3 - I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. Isn't that sad?  I'm 33 years old and still trying to figure out life.  So many ideas in my head, so few things I can actually do.  Hopefully I'll figure it out soon.

Confession #4 - And this one I just realized yesterday.....I would rather read right now then listen to my kids.  And I know that is horrible.  But I know they are just as bored with being at home all day and need mother-interaction as soon as I hit the door as I need silence from working all day.  Hopefully we can come to some sort of agreement before we kill each other.

Trying Not to Complain

But its hard.

It just seems like everything is working against me lately. Or maybe it's the flair up talking. I was truly hoping that the aches I had felt a few days ago wouldn't cause turn into anything, but its still going on and I'm having a really hard time rebounding from this round.

I'm tired, I hate sitting at my desk all day, all I wanted to do today was lay down. I'm moving slower but the world and the people around me move at the same fast rate. The boys school year is wrapping  up and will be over next week. For a couple of weeks they will be home together while I continue to go to work, then at the beginning of June, B, will begin summer day camp and Q will start working at his middle school for a few weeks.

We are all looking forward to that. This will be the first summer in a few years that they will have some separation, which I think will be good for them.

B will be 8 on Saturday. 8 years old. Where in the world has the time gone? This of course leads me down the slippery slope of thinking about Q and realizing that he is going to be 14 at the end of September. And then I want to cry. I just feel like I shouldn't be feeling this way at my age. I'm only 33! And I fear that I am losing precious time with them.

I hate my body, but its the only one I have so I will do whatever they want me to do in order to keep it going.

Meet Me On Monday

Blogging is a funny thing....we tell our most intimate thoughts for all to read and yet most of the time I find myself sitting and wondering, "who is this person!?" I know them...but yet I don't know them! I want to know who the person is behind all those words so I thought of a great way for all of us to "meet" each other!

Every Sunday Never Growing Old will post five get to know you questions that you can copy and paste into your own Monday post and we can all learn a little more about each and every one of us!!




This week's questions:
1. For Mother's Day I ___________.2. What is your favorite dish that your Mom makes?3. Who are you a "Mom" too?4. What did you have for Mother's Day dinner?5. What is your fondest memory of your mom?
My Answers:
1. For Mother's Day I didn't do anything special.  B made me a card, Q gave me a hug and J made me breakfast with B's help.
2. What is your favorite dish that your Mom makes? My mom made the best pork chops and rice dish.  I've tried to replicate it, but without much success.  She also knew how to make creamed potatoes.  Another dish I wish I would have paid more attention too.
3. Who are you a "Mom" too? Only the best boys in the world!

4. What did you hvae for Mother's Day dinner? Nothing, didn't feel like eating.  The boys had leftover spaghetti.5. What is your fondest memory of your mom? Too many to choose from.  But I guess the one that stands out the most right now was the time my brother and I were helping out around the house, dusting the table and china cabinet when "My Girl" by the Temptations came on the radio.  We changed the words to "My mom/grandma".  She really got a kick out that.  I miss that lady.

Ain't that some.....

Back in February I went to my doctor and finally got a referral to see a specialist for the body pain, in hopes to get a diagnosis for fibromyalgia after daily pain for 3 moths straight. What followed was an endless battle between myself, the specialist and my doctor that can basically be described as this "Where the hell is my paperwork?"

After two months, two weeks and three days, I got a phone call requesting that I contact them to make  an appointment. Yep, that's right, they called and I missed it. Damn! And of course when I called back to make the appointment, the person I needed to talk to was gone for the day. DAMN!

And I'm having a flair up. Been perfectly fine (pain wise) for the past month or so and wham! Flair up. So not happy right now. I just want a bottle of wine to make me feel better and I can't drink. Why can't they come up with a medication that can be taken with an occasional glass of Riesling?

Oh well, Monday I will call bright and early. For now I will lay on the couch, drink my bottle of water and watch Murder, She Wrote on Netflix and pray that tomorrow will be a better day.